Conversations matter
By Jeff White: May 18, 2011
Filed Under: Jeff, Social Media
Being able to hold a conversation with someone is a lost art, according to my seat mate on the flight home from St. John’s, Newfoundland. We had started chatting when Porter’s free drink service (woohoo!) began, and didn’t stop until we landed in Halifax. The elderly gentleman seated next to me with his huge wispy white beard had been on the rock for a bit of vacation, until it came time to leave his wife behind to cook for the men and women actively working to rebuild parts of the island devastated by last year’s hurricane.
I learned that they frequently travelled to areas that had been hit by disasters and worked with Mennonite organizations to help rebuild. We talked about the birth of the modern internet, and how he had brought the concept of a freenet to his town in northern Ontario, and had taught himself a bit of HTML back in the 90s, just to see how it worked. Despite his age, he had lots of questions for me about the state of social media and web development. He knew more than some designers I know and certainly far more than I expected from someone of his, uh, vintage.
I heard about how he brewed his own beer and wine from ingredients he grew in his garden. I’ve made my own wine in the past, so I had a few thoughts and questions for him about that, and as a lover of craft beer, it’s always nice to chat with others who share this passion. He told me that he had grown enough of his own hops last summer to last him for years, as you don’t need much for the batches he brews. On one of his recent batches, he had over-hopped an IPA and no one wanted a second pint due to the bitterness.
More than anything, I was struck by how much I had in common with this gentleman, and how rich his past has been. I think the biggest part of this is that I really didn’t expect to have anything in common with him when I initially sat down. I haven’t really been able to stop thinking about my conversation with Mr Potter (middle name Harold, apparently he’s very much enjoyed being known as Harry Potter for the last several years).
We talk a lot at Kula about social objects and their power to bring people together and give them something to talk about. I’m starting to think though that the conversation itself is as much a social object as the technology, beer, games and experiences we normally discuss.
The people I’ve spoken with since about my experience with my seat mate have declared that they rarely get into conversations with strangers on flights beyond the traditional exchanging of pleasantries. I wonder why this is? It would seem to me that an airplane with it’s cramped quarters is the perfect conversation starter.
What’s the best conversation you’ve ever had with a stranger?
May 18, 2011
8:51 am
You make a great point which is that we can be excited about social media and still value meeting and connecting with people face-to-face (I find this assumption that the first comes at the expense of the second a bit odd). It’s great and surprisingly rare to feel that kind of connection with someone you’ve just met so good on you for taking the opportunity and not sitting in your plane seat with your ear buds in. My husband, a frequent flyer, has made many new friends and business colleagues on planes. For me, those moments are more likely to happen on playgrounds, while waiting out the kids’ swimming lessons, or on ski lifts. I met a terrific woman in Vail and in a 4-min chair ride learned so much about her life as a British expat living in Ann Arbour. Forced confinement has its rewards.
May 18, 2011
10:49 am
I’ve always maintained that social media is more about the real life connections that we make. I’m glad I took the time to talk with him, it was so worth it.
May 18, 2011
9:11 am
While on a flight to Calgary from Halifax, during a very confusing period in my life, I was lucky enough to sit by an interesting lady who sparked up a conversation with me. I had recently been plagued by worries: am I making the right choices? Should I leave my job to travel? Should I have ended that relationship? Although I kept my personal issues inside, she began to open up to me about her reason for heading across the country. She was moving from Halifax after living there (in the same house) for over 30 years, on a whim, to relocate in a small mountain town in the Canadian rockies. She didn’t know anyone and wasn’t sure how it would work out. She must have been in her late sixties. She was an artist, and afraid, and excited. I was in my early twenties and began to think about my own state of mind. If this lady could brave such an extreme change of scenery so much later in life, I surely could get through my turbulent quarter-life crisis! Definitely a conversation with a stranger that had more impact on me than she ever would have realized.
May 18, 2011
10:50 am
Being inspired by someone going through what we’re going through (or worse) is a great way to gain perspective. Needs to happen more often.
May 18, 2011
9:45 am
If you had to quantify or break down your initial feeling that you would have little in common with your seatmate, what part of it do you think would have to do with his age?
I’m always delighted when people report about having had a wonderful conversation with an older person – especially those in the “old-old” cohort. I was at a consultation yesterday with the department of seniors and during a presentation on emergency preparedness and the vulnerability of the 65+ population during these times, the presenter said “older people are great sources of resilience and resourcefulness in times of crisis.”
We sometimes forget that the grizzled, white haired, frail body houses a lifetime of adventures, victories, skills, accomplishments, disappointments, relationships and knowledge. The simple act of conversation can often open the door to all of this. Personally, I wish I had realized this when I was younger, and had taken the time to really talk to my grandparents.
One of the best ways that we can connect to our history, both individually and as societies, is through conversation – real conversation. A simple act that offers a multiplicity of rewards.
May 18, 2011
10:48 am
Fantastic points, Cheryl. And you’re right, it’s a definite case of age prejudice, which is certainly undeserved. Thanks for your comment.
May 18, 2011
2:42 pm
*gasp* I know what “Thanks for your comment” means. I go to conferences…I’m the rambly person who they regret giving the microphone to during the QA session!!
May 18, 2011
2:43 pm
haha!
No really, I meant it. You have a really interesting perspective.
May 18, 2011
2:12 pm
Interesting post, though I dislike it when I sit beside someone chatty on an airplane. Everyone is different. St. John’s to Halifax can make for interesting conversation. Halifax to Japan beside someone you’d rather not talk to is an eternity.
May 18, 2011
2:14 pm
Oh, I agree with that. Sometimes a long conversation isn’t necessary or wanted. But on short haul flights, it makes sense to learn new things from new people.
May 18, 2011
6:42 pm
I was recently in Whistler on a ski vacation and was riding the Gondola to the very top of the mountain, which takes about 20 minutes. An elderly gentlemen about 80 years old (who was there skiing on fat back-country skis) quickly started up a conversation with me, which turned into a great discussion about travel and life experiences. He regaled me with stories of surfing in Costa Rica, and spring skiing nude in the good old days. I arrived at the top of the mountain completely inspired by this stranger and feeling like I had lots to look forward to. I hope I’m still shredding it like he is when I’m 80 years old! And it was a nice break from the other rather awkward moments in the gondola where everyone just stares at their feet or out the window in silence.
May 18, 2011
7:56 pm
Yeah, skiers and snowboarders are usually an interesting bunch. Great story David, thanks!
How is life up north anyway?